Shakeyolonbon44

One more day after today to end this year and start anew. I am looking forward to a sort of fresh start, although a new calendar year only means so much.

today was really good, i went to the gym for 50 minutes and did a combination of bike/treadmill/elliptical. it was nice. i wanted to do longer but i had to listen to my body and it was hurting.

i feel completely fat. you know that time when u have gained a few lbs back, and the feelings of nerves, helplessness, and being out of control overwhelm you? they might be completely irrational thoughts but they swarm over me when i feel an extra bulge.

i am at 172.2 as of 2 days ago, and i am making not going to gain this weight back. i am officially 14 lbs heavier than my lowest, and that is not acceptable. i know that treatment has me limited on the amount of time i can spend at the gym, but i will try to get in a little here and there. just being there calms me down and takes away that hopelessness feeling.

you have to start somewhere, and today was a good day. ill focus on that.

i havent been doin too good for the most part, i had two really good days, M-T, and then two not so good days W-T… the chiropractor said to not work out now, and if i do, only do 30 minutes on the bike at a time, but i feel like thats just a waste of time in all actuality. i dont know what im gonna do on that front, but as far as eating right, im going to stick to plan today, i know that tomorrow will suck with xmas cookies, and xmas dinner, but at least that will be 3 good days and 3 bad days, and i can start over on sunday. im just looking forward to the holidays being over so that i dont have temptations all around me.

i weighed in today for the first time in 2 weeks and im down a lb. im actually happy about that because i havent been doing that great, so to be down 1/2 lb a week is okay in my books. now im not weighing in until jan 3rd and im hoping to see 166. i think if i really stick to my guns i can lose 2 lbs a week. i worked out for two hours yesterday and i dont think i injured myself because i did 1 hr on the bike and then 1 hour on the amt100i lightly, without using arms. im going to go again today and see if i can do the same thing again.

well im off to go do laundry and get cat food. ttyl!

So i had 3 good days and two bad days, and today is back to being good. i was feeling down on myself, in LOADS of pain, and cant continue that way. this is something i want for myself and i have to work for it.

im at 450 for the day, and its 2:30. hopefully i can keep it under wraps, for some reason the weekends are so much more difficult. during the week it always seems to be so easy for me to just go through routine and eat only what im supposed to.

a good thing is that i went to the gym today because i was in minimal pain, and the chiropractor says that as long as it doesnt cause more pain its okay for me to go. i did 77 minutes. i might have overdone it, but ill be okay. im just glad to be back in the gym, even if it cant be every day like i was doing.

today is my third day in a row of GREATNESS. im very happy about that.

im not happy about my pain though.

got the final say today at the chiropractor. its going to take some intense therapy to get this corrected and back to where it should be.

this is what i have to do:

3x a week for 2 months

2x a week for 2 months

1x a week for 2 months

1x a month for 6 months.

it is going to be tough… long…painful… but i cant live with the pain i have now forever,  its debilitating… so i MUST get this taken care of NOW.

weigh in today 171.

that is up from last week, but regardless of it all, i am starting from scratch today and moving forward. i wont weigh in for two weeks and im hoping for a big loss by then. maybe 3-4 lbs.

today was good, i was definately under 1500. no exercise… i havent talked much about it but my back has been in excruciating pain so ive been seeing a chiropractor and its going to be a lonnnnnnngggg road ahead of me for recovery, my neck is completely shifted forward 35 cm and it will take some time and seeing the chiropractor as much as possible to get this under control. with my neck being out of whack, its causing the pain in my back.

so today is down, tomorrow is another day that i can make the best of!

Hey all!! i am officially not affiliated with a team anymore but i am still here for the members i truly connected with and am still here to reach my goals.

i am not only weighing in once every two weeks on mondays. this upcoming monday will be my first weigh in and i will go from there. i am hoping to find new buddies as well as connect further with my old buddies.

i am not giving up on those of you who have been there for me including SHERYL, SANDY, POETRY, ERYN, TOBEY, KAMA, TANYA, JENNIFER, HELEN, SARA… sorry if i forgot anyone.

i am open and ready to do this and i know now more than ever that i need to rely on myself to get through this journey.

i will update on monday!

SORRY THIS IS LONG- TALKS ABOUT MY JOURNEY- i started my journey december of 2007 or january of 2008. it will be 3 years in january !! eek! and im only down 42 lbs.
unfortunately i was down 52 lbs. and in that time period i had spurts where i just wasnt on here and wasnt focused. like 6 months in 2008, and5 months in 2009. but for the most part its been 2 full years of dieting and still not at my goal. so this is the time.

im happy i hadnt binged for about a month until friday when i gave myself permission to pig out on holloween candy. which created my to do the same thing again on sunday night. but yesterday was a decent day, ended probably at 1700 but i had a 2 hour workout so its okay.

i have to say, throughout this journey i have learned so much about myself… when i started i was in a really unhealthy relationship and accepted his bad treatment, cheating, ignoring etc. and that was all i expected for myself. then i gained enough courage to end things with him because the insanity of the relationship was stressing me out so much, my nerves were up and i was about to have a heart attack from the intense nerves and stress. (not literally a heart attack).

then i went straight into another relationship..LITERALLY LIKE LESS THAN A MONTH LATER. and this guy was great (or so i thought) he id everything right but i felt this unease with him… that something wasnt right, but i didnt listen to it. i didnt respect myself or trust my gut enough to follow it blindly, rather than keep forcing myself to carry on with the relationship. 5 months into it-he tells me we need to talk. (this was in may of 09) and he made up this whole story about how people were coming after him from his past(first i heard of this-he said he was involved in a gambling thing), that his apartment was broken into, and that he was going to jamaica (trip was planned anyway) for a while to have things cool down.

so we ended things.. and he called me a week later and wanted me to move to california with him. i hadnt heard from him in a week. to make a long story short- the whole thing was a lie. i think he was just making shit up as he went to keep me strung along… we talked on a thursday and his wedding was saturday and his honeymood started sunday (which was jamaica )

so things ended. and since then i have been a wreck and not in any condition to date.it created a lack of confidence in my ability to do right by myself, to know that if things go bad that i’ll be okay, that i WILL BE OKAY.i was convinced that i can be anyilated (sp?) by someone else, and i have come to the understanding (within the last month) that nobody can do that to me. my worth is not on anyone else, its on me and what i expect for myself.
but at this time i was so scared that i couldnt trust myself i chose not to.

i was with another guy after that who was the best guy ive ever been withgorgeous, honest, trustworthy etc.. but because of that, i convinced myself that i liked him so much, when really it wasnt the case. and i didnt trust myself enough to just end things.

i finally did when the stress of stringing him along was too much. we are still good friends and i still grapple with the question “do i like him or not?”
but recently (as of september) i started dating this guy that ive known for 3 years but its alwyas been the wrong place wrong time. so we tried to make it work and i finally did right by myself. i was COMPLETELY open, always told my feelings without having fear that he’d abandon me. i gained confidence in myself that if i ask for waht i need/want, and get it-great. if i ask for waht i want/need and i dont get it- i walk away.

he was too closed off for me, he wouldnt respond to some texts when it was obvious i was askinga question or initiating a conversation that was important to me etc. i explained to him the things i need different and he took it as criticism. he said i was talking down to him etc. i tried to explain it as clearly and plainly as possible, and he just isnt right for me. he cant look at his own actions, he thinks everyone is against him, and i cant change that.
so it really boosted my confidence that idid right by myself when my gut was telling me to. and that is where this journey has taken me, reading geneen roth, exploring things with you guys. so it is not all a waste. and i would not take back the length of the journey, for i have learned so much.

HI EVERYONE! Some of you may know this but some may not.

on buddyslim we have teams that compete against one another… its not super competetive to the point of getting down on yourself if you lose, but it is incentive to do well-we weigh in against each other once a week and tally up each team’s weight loss for the week.

the team does require some effort-participation is a must, whether its daily or a few times a week-we chat in a forum and talk about anything ranging from exercise, weight loss, food, to life, love, and struggles. its really an open conversation. so weekly weigh ins are a MUST as well as participation. we have so much fun just chatting and its a great source of motivation and support.

so if this is what your looking for send me a message or post on here!!! we are a great group of girls and we welcome all sorts of people- you just must be serious about committing though

HI EVERYONE! Some of you may know this but some may not.

on buddyslim we have teams that compete against one another… its not super competetive to the point of getting down on yourself if you lose, but it is incentive to do well-we weigh in against each other once a week and tally up each team’s weight loss for the week.

the team does require some effort-participation is a must, whether its daily or a few times a week-we chat in a forum and talk about anything ranging from exercise, weight loss, food, to life, love, and struggles. its really an open conversation. so weekly weigh ins are a MUST as well as participation. we have so much fun just chatting and its a great source of motivation and support.

so if this is what your looking for send me a message or post on here!!! we are a great group of girls and we welcome all sorts of people- you just must be serious about committing though

thanks