Shakeyolonbon44

i am finally coming to the point where im loving myself. i dont cringe when i look at myself without clothes on like i used to. im trying to work on being less judgmental and critical of myself and others. i am happy that i am blessed with my identity.

i no longer snap on peoples blogs anymore, if i dont have something nice to say i dont say anything at all. I think BS’s dynamic has changed quite a bit and that is why i talk to a select few and i keep my distance.

I think there are many people on here who are hypocritical and are the first to attack another like they are all holy. I do speak my mind but i try to be sensitive and understand that everyone is human. I have distanced myself from some people who i believe are toxic. toxic in a good and bad way, when they are your friend they bring such support, almost to the point of harming them, because they ignore things in them that they would not ignore in a stranger. i feel sad but at the same time empowered that i have become who i am and i know that i am a caring individual. The way some others see me is not my concern, for they dont control how i live day to day. For those of you who are 100% supportive of me, i am of you. Thank you for the texts, emails, calls, etc. I am here for you as you are for me and i hope that we can work together to achieve everything we desire.

someone once told me
that you have to choose
what you win or lose
you cant have everything
dont you take chances
you might feel the pain
dont you love in vain
cause love wont set you free
i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy but safe as could be

CHORUS
so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy, yea
just wanna be happy, yea

holding on tightly
just cant let it go
just tryna play my roll
slowly diasappear, oooh
well all these tears
they feel like theyre the same
just different faces, different names
get me outta here
well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
pass me by

CHORUS
so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy
oooh

so any turns that i cant see
ill count a stranger on this road
but don’t say victim
dont say anythng

CHORUS
so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about all the pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy

im really happy right now! schol is going great ! in philosophy my two tests i got a 94 and a 92. then on my quizzes i have an average of 90. wooohooo!!!

then anthropology my test was a 90. and my quizz average is 98. yay!

sociology we dont have any grades yet. midterm comin up

criminology i got an 84 on my first test.

criminal law i have an 87. exciting!!!

im doing really good this semester!
and guess what ladies! I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND. he is incredible. ill explain more later. but i just have that feeling with him ive never had before!!! He is 25 and the sweetest!

on the diet front im maintaining, been going out quite a bit just trying to be social again, but i am maintaining 156-159 so im NOT going any higher. im going to get back on track tomorrow.

i LIKE this weight range. i do know i want to lose a little more but im not even sure how much. maybe only 10 lbs more. and then some toning. unfortunately, i HATE doing weights. but i know that ill need to focus on that eventually.

This is my new kitty Sidian! he is 12 weeks old!

the purpose of my journey on here for me is to support everyone who supports me and to lose the rest of the weight. i will be an inspiration to myself and that is what matters. i will not be influenced by others negativity on my choices because i know i am healthy. i am still losing. i know that i have the dedication and determination to do this on my own. once i lose the 16 lbs i have left i will get off of this site, and will communicate with the friends i have made by phone, email text etc.

this site has totally changed. it has become cult like. people occupy this site who have nothing better to do than to put others down and cause drama. i have enough drama and things going on in my life than to blast others, shame others, and put others efforts down. Everyone is here for a reason-to lose the weight. if you dont have anything to say to someone then dont. and i faltered in this a while ago when i got angry and expressed my emotions. I do not regret what i did and do not feel sorry. i stand behind what i said, but i do know that this site brings me stresses that it did not 6 months ago.

6 months ago i could sign on here and read nothing but positivity. people didnt critisize on blogs, or put others down, or discourage them. i got sucked into these efforts and adapted to it myself, and changed. this is not me. i am not the person to shame others and this site changed how i conduct myself. and that is what i am ashamed of.

so, for those of you who ive formed a strong bond with, i will continue to support and be there for you. i want nothing more than for you to succeed.

for those new people ive connected to, im still here to reach out to. but i need to focus on myself and this challenge that i opened up to anyone who wanted to join turned out to stab me in the back. i wanted nothing but good things from this, i wanted to give others a reason to move in the right direction.

i should have just focused on myself and stuck to what was best for me, but instead i tried to help motivate others and got negativity. again.

so i apologize to those who had to bear witness to my behavior, for that is truly who i am sorry to. but to those who i spoke the truth about i hold no remorse and will move on with my life.

best wishes to everybody.

went great!!! ive been so distracted with school and work that i havent had too much time to go nuts with food or to concentrate on it too much. so im stickin to plan! and it feels good!

today i went to old navy to get some pants cuz mine dont fit anymore and i grabbed like 4 or 5 pairs of 10’s and i tried the first pair on and they were loose! how is that possible! i was wearing 11’s and those got kind of baggy, so i thought maybe down 1 size!? no, i am in 8’s!! UNBELIEVABLE

ive NEVEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR worn 8’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im excited!

goodluck to everyone!

day 6 went perfect!! YAY!

the goal today is 1500 calories! tomorrow is 1100 im not looking forward to lol but sunday i get 1900!!

i woke up today and weighed 156.2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im down 5.2 lbs!!!

goal 1500 calories

today i stayed at 1500! yay!

another day down!

goal was 1500 cals…i hit at 1420, burned 300 at the gym!