Shakeyolonbon44

i DONT know whats goin on with me, ive changed my habits on here. i sent booster notes, and read the wildcat forums, and read my emails. ive been slacking on writing blogs or reading a lot of them. i think i just had so much going on in my head that i couldnt keep track of what was going on with everyone, so i made sure my #1 priority, my team, knew i was still here.

im at 164.6 and it SUCKS. im READDDDY to get back down to my lowest of 161, but its very depressing and unmotivating knowing that i gained some weight back when i went nuts.

so im just sticking it out, taking DAY BY DAY, and doing the best i can (i woke up and worked out in the AM! SOOO NOT LIKE ME, im a night exercizer) and trying to reach my goal.

so guys im still here just dont know what to blog about !

I was watching the last part of maury when i was at the gym tonight, and there was a poll on the tv, i gues they do a daily poll lol i had no idea. but that was the question

 ”If your husband/wife cheated on you with your best friend, who would you forgive first?”

I sent this question to 60 people because i was curious as to what everyone of my peers thought. so i asked. and these were my results.

Forgive friend first:3—–> 12% of everyone thought they would forgive their friend first

Forgive spouse first:7—-> 30% of everyone thought they would forgive their spouse first

neither: 14—————>58% of everyone thought they would never forgive either one

I am rather surprised at the responses i got from this. Would you forgive your spouse, the one who is supposed to be closest to you out of everyone, your confidant, the person who knows everything about you, your fears, your worries, your insecurities, what would crush you?

wouldnt that person be most respectful and delicate with your heart?

and you would allow that person who hurt you to have your forgiveness?

wow.

i would forgive my husband, but i would divorce him. i would have to forgive him to move on, but would not allow him in my heart any longer.

what about you buddys?

I need to slap myself in the face right about now!! WOAAAAAAAAAAAHHH LONI HOLD ON!!!

I have, somehow, managed to convince myself that donut wont count, or if i go over on calories it doesnt matter. Before this, if i had a high calorie day it would haunt me for weeks, i would feel guilty about it and every day i would wake up and remember that day, and that feeling is what would make me not want to eat like that anymore. well SOMEHOW i have managed to totally alter my thinking, i havent even felt bad AT ALL after what i eat. ive been eating CRAPPP!!!!! donut, jelly bean, klondike bar, buffalo wings, swiss roll, mashed potatoes… etc.

what is WRONG WITH ME!?!? this just goes to show all of the people who think that it is easy for those of us who have lost a significant amount of weight. IT IS NOT!!! i havent felt guity about what im eating and that is the most dangerous part for me!! guilt was the main factor keeping me on track! now im not even feeling guilty, because im not even counting calories. how perfect for me, right!?!

if you dont count your calories it is very easy to turn your cheek and say, eh, i might of been high i might of been low, idk!?! and smile and keep on eating.

well THIS IS MY CONTRACT TO MYSELF. AND YOU ALL. i am not eating like this anymore! i am going to be conscious of what goes in my mouth and MAKE SURE that i hold myself accountable for everything i eat.

NO MORE EATING JUNK. i am feeling this extra weight come on, and its comin on quickly. i was still feeling in my smallest body so i was like oh well, maybe ive changed, maybe i dont have the fat gene anymore :), NOPE THATS NOT THE CASE. if i dont stop this now im gonna end up right back at 170. and i need to slap myself in the face and say WAKE UP YOU CANT EAT ALL OF THAT EVERY DAY.

so this is my promise.

no more turning the cheek. and i would suggest others do the same who are feeling the same way! cause it WILL catch up to you!!!

hey guys! im doin fine, just kind of floating through day by day, dealing with all of this CRAP going on!!! i seem to be maintaining at 161-163 right now…. ive started working out a little more which is good, but im so stressed out right now and overwhelmed with all that is going on in my life, i feel like its really hard for me to pay so much attention to what im eating. im not going CRAZY and im watchng what i eat, but i honestly havent counted calories in probably a week. im just living life right now, trying to stay on track and keep my mind set on this journey, but whew, i almost just need a minute to breathe, then i will get back to hard dedication and get down to my goal! i only have 21 lbs left till my goal and im so excited that its so close!!!

just dont have the brain power right now with everything. im gonna go catch up on some blogs, i miss everyone!

I am sitting down to write this and i dont know what to say. most important, i feel lost. not in this weight loss journey, but in life. im sort of overwhelmed with life and wondering what is the purpose? we live, we endure, we laugh, we cry, we die.

what is the BIGGER picture of the world?

anyway… i got in a lot of legal trouble sunday night/monday morning and ended up in jail for 12 hours. it was awful, and it really made me think about life. not about what i’d done wrong, i was over that already, but about life and the purpose of everything.

why is love such a huge contributing factor in everyones life? why does everyone feel so much more worth when there is someone in their life they feel wont leave them on a whim?

ive just been thinking about this alot, and when i was in jail they let me use my cell phone to call anyone i wanted for 10 minutes. i couldnt get ahold of ANYONE. i called and called and called for 10 minutes, called my mom last, 5 times, and no answer.

i just felt so alone. i ended up in a cell with 9 girls, with no windows no nothing, a toilet and a sink. i felt so helpless and so alone. why is it that we feel so alone, and why is that a bad thing? I know that i truly felt alone and it did not feel good, but we were born alone. yes we had family, but nothing was gauranteed, that we were given a promise that certain people would be arond forever.

we werent. and i lost my dad year ago. i did not get that contract with my family, that they would be around for so many years. my mom still smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day, and i am not naive in thinking that she will die too. i will be alone. and i will have a husband (maybe) that loves me, yes, but might not always be around, they might stray or lose interest or whatever.

so what is the bigger picture? why are we born with this desire to feel important to someone else, but that they might not always be there?

these are just the things ive been thinking about, i cant get it out of my mind, but i must vent.

does anyone have any answers?

I am very angered with this site. well, not the site itself but some of the people that are POLLUTING this site. Let me just say that, i do acknowledge that everyone on this site must have good intentions for themselves by joining and showing interest in losing weight. But it is QUITE rediculous that people get on this site who are hurting themselves, and trying to find solice where people are trying to BETTER themselves physically and emotionally. Im going to adress the physical part.

Weight loss is NOT an overnight thing. If you think it is, then you are very off base and should excuse yourself. Losing weight, for 90% of us is NOT about looking in the mirror and being thin, and thats that. NO! we WANT to be HEALTHY!!! we are TIRED of having NO ENERGY, TIRED OF HAVING NO SELF ESTEEM, TIRED OF FEELING CRAPPY ABOUT OURSELVES INSIDE AND OUT. This is why we are here. For those of you that are here to look good regardless of the disaster you have created in your body, then so be it. maybe you should excuse yoursef from this site and join Slowlykillingmyself.com

I am so tired of browsing through blogs and finding people dissing others and their efforts who ARE doing this the BEST WAY! and i say that because the best way to lose weight UNDENIABLE is to nourish your body with the right nutrients, calories, vitamins, minerals, and lose weight slowly. I am NOT FULL OF SHIT HERE! if you people want to stuff your bodies with diet pills, that speed up your body with caffeine, which makes you jittery, which makes you not hungry, thats up to you. but please take your suicidial talk elsewhere cuz im tired of reading it. There are so many DEDICATED people on this site that are doing this the hard way!

HOW CAN YOU DISS SOMEONE WHO IS LOSING WEIGHT THE HARDEST WAY POSSIBLE? DOES IT MAKE YOU AN HONERABLE WEIGHT LOSS BUDDY BECAUSE YOUVE LOST 10 LBS IN A WEEK BECAUSE YOU STARVED YOURSELF? OR YOU EXERCISED 5 HOURS A DAY EVERY DAY? NO IT DOES NOT!

You are not any better than anyone else, and i must say, you are not even worth my time. I LOOK UP to those like Nancy, nicole, dagny, kama, blaithin, tabb, poetry, journi, etc. (sorry if i dont mention you, those are just some names that come to mind)  who WORK THEIR ASSES OFF to lose the weight!!!! you dont think that there are days we all wake up and say screw this, this is too hard, lets just look for a quick fix?!? OF COURSE! anybody would through this struggle! but JEEZ! WE KNOW DEEP DOWN, THIS JOURNEY IS NOT ABOUT LOOKING GOOD, ITS ABOUT FEELING GOOD!!

Im not going to feel bad for bashing anyone who does it the unhealthy way. this website is for people to come together and work their asses off to better themselves. This site is not for you all to come on here and share pill secrets, or starvation methods.

I hope YOU feel good looking in the mirror at 120 lbs with all of your organs deteriated because you declined to give the right nutrients. GOODLUCK WITH THAT. If i could choose 4 months of diet pills and ill be at my goal weight, or A YEAR AND A HALF, and i look AND feel great AND CAN RUN A MILE IN 8 MINUTES, i WOULD TAKE THE YEAR AND A HALF!!

WHO WANTS TO BE 120 LBS AND BE SO WEAK FROM ALL THE SHIT THE BODY WAS GIVEN?

come on. those of you who pop these pills, take these quick fixes, you are weak emotionally and mentally. I know not everyone can lose weight, and i know that it IS HARD, because i am still going through this journey. but I KNOW that I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO ENDURE WHAT I CREATED FOR MYSELF. This might sound cruel, but it must be said. Grow some balls and face what you did to yourself!! YOU MADE YOURSELF FAT! JUST LIKE EVERY ONE OF US! You werent born at 300 lbs and, oh poor you, lets give you some magic pills and you can get to where you “deserve” to be. that sense of entitlement might be your problem!

YOU ONLY DESERVE WHAT YOU EARN! it is SO REDICULOUS FOR some of you to bash certain people who work so hard and have so much to be proud of.

Do you think someone will want you to come to a overeaters convention, get up to the podium and say “im kathy and i lost 100 lbs popping ephedrine?” I DONT THINK SO!

all im saying is, if you want to do this the unhealthy way and continue to poison your body, then go ahead. I hope one day that you will realize the pain you are causing yourself, and the shortcomings you are subjecting yourself. YES, this journey is LONG AND HARD. sometimes we ALL WANNA GIVE UP BUT WE DONT. we are STRONG WILLED, STRONG MINDED, AND DEDICATED TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. and while we do this the hard long way, we are discovering ourselves, and while you take the easy way out, you dont get to discover yourself, and your limits. THERE IS MUCH TO BE LEARNED FROM A LONG HARD JOURNEY, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE JOURNEY IS.

so, i strongly advise you all to do this the right way. EAT HEALTHY. EXERCISE. and there IS NO holyer than thou attitude here, becuase unlike most of you who are critisizing this, I LEARNED HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT IN KINDERGARDEN, AND I LEARNED “THE RIGHT WAY”

THERE IS A RIGHT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVING YOUR BODY WHAT IT NEEDS!

so i pity you and your childish attitude to say poor me, and take the easy way out.

but good luck and i hope and pray that some sort of calmness will come into your life to where you are not so threatened by honerable people.

TO THOSE OF YOU DOING THIS THE RIGHT WAY, I READ YOUR BLOGS, I SUPPORT YOU. YOU ARE ROLE MODELS.

THANK YOU.

bring it on haters

Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them-Albus Dumbledore

 I like both of these quotes, they make me think about this journey and what we choose for ourselves. In life, i know temptations sometimes outweigh what we know is right. The good thing about this, is that when we resist temptation, it ultimately gives us the chance to be proud. because we can acknowledge that resisting temptation cant always be done and it is quite difficult sometimes. If it wasnt hard to resist all the things we want to eat then we couldnt walk away feeling empowered and stronger for saying no to something that is hard.

Life is all about this! Doing things that may be hard or uncomfortable. Here are some examples:
going to work

getting up in the morning ON TIME

cleaning

going to the gym

communicating with someone your fighting with

listening to someone who you just want to fight with

ALL of these things, and this is just a short list, are things that may be hard to do, and with resisting temptation to do the opposite, the easy way out, you can be proud of yourself!

we all need to change our attitudes and be proud that we are such strong people and embrace the temptation!

These are the pics i found to motivate myself into staying on track because i FOR SURE want to reach this. so i just needed to browse and find body types that i want to be! i probably have 20-30 lbs left but we shall see!! im so excited! everyone should do this!

Im needing some motivation guys. Once i got bit by the dog and i hit 161 i went nuts. ive been eating anything, and im bloated to hell nnow because ive been eating a ton of salty foods. i know i need to drink a ton if water to help out with that. but i just feel gross! i mean i weighed in this week at 166! 5 lbs up!! thats a lot of weight and i feel it. i feel fuller, my face looks fuller, my stomach is WAY flabby. im just depressed from it. someone needs to kick me in the butt!!

today i hit on point for calories, about 1500. i need to drink a ton more water i think ill just drink water the rest of the night and try to flush out my body of all this salt. last night my friend had people over and we ended up drinking and then going out. AND i had already eaten dinner before i went there so i wouldnt, but guess what, i had macaroni and cheese, moscacholi, and potato chips! lots of potato chips! then i came home and had some chicken wings. im tellin ya, this is getting rediculous. i dont know what happened i guess i hit 161 and felt like wow.. i dont have this problem anymore, and tried to shut it out. sometimes weight loss takes so much energy, to talk yourself out of eating certain things, to make sure you have food available that isnt too high in cals for you to munch on if your hungry, etc. all of it is so draining sometimes.

so buddies. i need a slap on the wrist and some pep talking!

wow… i weighed in today and, i know for a fact, that i always weigh like 2-3 lbs more when i weigh early early in the morning before my body has woken up. also, sleep deprivation (ive had 4-6 hours of sleep each night for 4 nights straight) will make me hold onto weight. which sucks.

so i was up 4.8 lbs today!! wtf!! but i did have 2 days of crazy eating and tonnnnsss of sugary alcholic beverages!!! but im not gonna obsess about it, i dont feel bad it was my 21st and i sure as hell enjoyed it. so ill take my 4.8 lbs, which im sure is actually not 5 lbs because im dehydrated/sleep deprived/bloated etc.  and i also dont feel bad because i woke up today knowing i did GREAT yesterday, AND I WORKED OUT FINALLY!!! my arm doesnt bother me anymore and i was recovered from my birthday so i decided to get my lazy butt up and go work out. so i did 45 minutes. taking 2 weeks off of working out was very detrimental to my agility i noticed. i had a hard time keeping up with it, so thats why i did only 45 mins instead of an hour like usual.

so… sorry wildcats, to report that im not helping in this weeks weigh in, but im here in SUPPORT!!

ill put up some bday pics soon!